Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you knew exactly what you wanted to say, but when it came time to speak, your voice wavered, your heart raced, and you held back?

Whether in meetings at work, during important conversations, or in social settings, many women have experienced the struggle of not being able to speak confidently when it matters most.

But here’s the good news: speaking with confidence isn’t an innate talent, it’s a skill—and anyone can learn it. Confidence doesn’t mean never feeling nervous. It’s about overcoming the fear of judgment and speaking your truth with clarity.

In this post, we’re going to explore what’s really behind the fear of speaking up, how to reframe your thinking around confidence, and practical steps you can take to own your voice.

What’s Really Behind the Fear of Speaking?

If you’ve ever found yourself holding back during a conversation, you’re not alone. The fear of speaking up can stem from a variety of sources, and it’s important to identify what’s really holding you back.

Fear of Judgment, Failure, and Perfectionism

You may fear sounding ‘stupid’ or worry about being judged by others. This fear of failure often leads to silence, but here’s an insight: fear doesn’t mean you’re not ready; it means you’re growing.

Many of us also carry the weight of perfectionism—thinking that every word must be perfectly chosen or else we’ll be seen as inadequate.

The reality? Perfection is an illusion, and it’s okay to make mistakes along the way.

Past Experiences

Perhaps you’ve been silenced, interrupted, or dismissed in the past, and these experiences can make you hesitant to speak up again. Overcoming this requires understanding that your voice matters, regardless of past encounters. Your voice is yours to claim.

Imposter Syndrome

Many women, especially those in leadership positions or striving for them, struggle with imposter syndrome—feeling like they don’t deserve to take up space or that others know more than they do. This can make speaking out seem daunting. But remember, everyone has a unique perspective to offer. Your voice is valuable.

The Brain’s Safety Mode

Our brains are wired to avoid discomfort. When we’re faced with speaking up, the brain triggers its ‘safety mode,’ urging us to stay silent because it feels safer. This is normal and part of the body’s natural response to fear. The key is recognising this reaction and taking action anyway.

Reframing Confidence—It’s Not What You Think

The first misconception about confidence is that it means speaking loudly or perfectly. Confidence doesn’t equal loudness. It’s about being clear, present, and believing in the message you’re delivering. True confidence comes from within, and it’s something that can be built over time.

Confidence is Built, Not Born

It’s easy to look at others who speak effortlessly and think, “I’ll never be like that.” But the truth is, even the most confident speakers were once beginners. Confidence is developed through practice, not by waiting for the ‘right moment’ or for you to suddenly feel ready.

Start now. Speak up, even when it’s uncomfortable. The more you practice, the stronger your confidence will grow.

Practical Steps to Speak with Confidence

So, how do you go from feeling unsure to owning your voice? Here are some practical steps that you can start incorporating right away to build confidence in speaking.

1. Prepare Your Thoughts

Know what you want to say, but avoid over-scripting. Over-preparing can create stress and make you sound robotic. Instead, outline your main points and trust yourself to fill in the details as you go. This allows for more natural flow and connection with your audience.

2. Use Your Body

Your body language plays a huge role in how your message is received. Stand tall, make eye contact, and use deliberate gestures. Not only will this make you appear more confident, but it will also help you feel more confident.

Remember: your body affects your voice.

3. Start Small

If you’re new to speaking up, start in low-pressure situations. Practice with friends, family, or even in your journal. Recording voice notes is another excellent way to get comfortable with hearing your voice and expressing yourself without the pressure of an audience.

4. Pace Yourself

When you’re nervous, it’s easy to rush through your words. Speaking slowly and deliberately not only helps you appear more confident but also gives you time to think as you speak. It gives your words weight and can make you appear more thoughtful and sure of yourself.

5. Pause with Power

One of the most powerful things you can do when speaking is to embrace silence. A well-timed pause can add strength and impact to your message. Don’t fear the silence—it’s a tool that lets your audience absorb your words and gives you a moment to gather your thoughts.

6. Practice Speaking Out Loud

Repetition is key to building confidence. Practice speaking in front of a mirror, with a coach, or even on camera. The more you hear yourself, the more you’ll become accustomed to your voice and the message you’re delivering.

Mindset Shifts to Truly Own Your Voice

Owning your voice isn’t just about the mechanics of speaking confidently—it’s also about shifting your mindset.

Your Voice is Your Identity

Remember, your voice is a reflection of who you are. No one else has your story, and no one else can speak with your perspective. When you begin to view your voice as part of your identity, you’ll find it easier to claim it and use it with power.

You Don’t Need Permission to Speak

So often, we wait for the ‘right’ moment or permission from others to speak up. The truth is, you don’t need anyone’s permission to share your voice. Speak when you have something to say, not when it’s convenient.

Being Direct Doesn’t Mean Being Rude

Assertive speaking is not the same as being rude. You can express yourself directly and confidently without being aggressive or dismissive. There’s a difference between dominating a conversation and participating fully.

Affirmations to Empower Your Voice

To further strengthen your mindset, try affirmations like:

• “I have something worth saying.”
• “I don’t need to be perfect to be powerful.”
• “I can speak even when I’m nervous.”

Affirmations help you reframe your thoughts and connect with your inner confidence.

The Power of Safe Practice & Support

As with any skill, confidence grows when you’re in a safe, supportive environment. Practising your speaking skills in a judgment-free space makes all the difference. The more you feel seen and supported, the more your confidence will grow.

Join a Safe Community

One powerful way to build your communication confidence is by joining a community of like-minded women who can encourage and support you. Platforms like Papiya Connects offer a safe space for women to develop their speaking skills, receive real-world training, and grow more confident in their journey.

Supportive spaces like these are invaluable for growth.

Conclusion

The truth is, you don’t need to wait to feel fearless to start speaking up. Confidence comes from doing, not from overthinking. So, take the next step today: join a workshop, speak one truth in a conversation, or try a technique from this post. The more you practice, the more natural it will become.

Remember: Your voice is not too much. It’s exactly enough.

If you’re ready to start owning your voice and communicating with confidence, take action today. Whether it’s a small step or a big leap, every effort counts towards building the confidence you deserve.